Thank You For Firing Me
Recently fired or laid off? Stay positive: embrace the advantages of working at home, starting a business, changing careers and finally find a job you love!
The best thing you can do to survive a layoff or being fired is to remain positive. This next chapter in your life should be all about finding a job you love. The best outcome in this vulturous economy is that there are so many ways to work at home, whether that includes telecommuting, forming a small business, volunteering, or redirecting your focus to upholding family values. Try to let go of the dreadful process Corporate America uses to terminate an employee. This article is a lighthearted look from an unusual angle at the process of my change of career.
Thank You For Firing Me – A Love Letter
To My Dear Former Employer,
I wanted to take a brief moment from my busy yet peaceful schedule to put into words just how much I appreciate the fact that you recently fired me or wink-wink laid me off. Now, before you shred this, please know that I am sincere in my words of affection. I understand that it was a difficult decision for you, but know that I am happy you fired me for the following reasons:
- I now find beauty in every precious moment throughout my day. It is peaceful here. I have spent a lot of capital over the years to live in this house, and now I get to enjoy it. As my boss, I went ahead and gave myself the corner office, you know, the one with a view of my garden?
- Do you remember my co-worker down the hall from my cube – the one with the pinched face who spends more time complaining about her miseries than she does working for you? Well, she no longer bothers me. I feel sorry for her that she has not taken the initiative to direct her own life. Rest assured, you can rely on her to be working for you over the next 10-15 years, but count on about a 40% effort. She will need the rest of her day to complain about how you mistreat her.
- My 100% effort will be put towards making the world a better place. I intend to help people now. It is invigorating and inspires me to pop out of bed like toast each day.
- My kids are thrilled that I’m here in the morning before they go to school and when they return home. They like the new healthy eating regimen we’ve put together. Carefully prepared whole-food recipes are delicious for you. We don’t want to eat out anymore because it’s much better here. The atmosphere beats any restaurant. And, they allow dogs!
- The family has commented on how bright my smile is and how the colour has returned to my face. I glow (and it’s not because someone left the lid up on the copier.)
- My doctor reports that my blood pressure has returned to normal. I have stopped the medicine at her recommendation. I’m saving money and feeling better. Thanks for asking.
- The excellent part is that I get to dream about my career change. I am scripting my own life. I don’t have to wait for my supervisor to tell me what my goals are.
- I no longer suffer from Sunday Night Dread. I perform underwear management whenever the clothes are dirty, not on some superimposed schedule. I shop for supermarkets in the middle of a weekday when there is no line and use printable coupons.
- I am thankful to live in an online world and feel connected to other self-employed workers in a way my generation never dreamed of. It may come as a shock to you, but I hear voices. They are in three, four, and eight-part harmony. I now write them down on paper and sell them to a music publisher. What, you didn’t know I was creative and musical? All of those great ideas and inventions I have been blessed with over the years and tucked away in my mind for use sometime in the future are now being put into action in my own work-at-home business. (I have a confession to make: I dreamed of company time. Please don’t hold it against me.) Yes, I did form my own company. You mean, you didn’t know I was capable? Perhaps we didn’t know one other as well as we believed.
- And, guess what? Individual health insurance plans are available to families like mine. Did you know that the company vision and dental procedures are costly compared to our new ones? But, a word to the wise: ours let us see our doctors, so you have to be careful. Amazing.
- My taxes will go down this year since I am now an independent contractor and qualify for legitimate tax deductions. I get to keep more of what you used to take out of every paycheck and put it towards my own self-directed IRA. Kind of like a company match.
- The companies and individuals with whom I now freelance respect me for my ideas and expertise. Maybe you could visit some of their websites to emulate their fantastic mission statements and flexible telecommuter options. They don’t tie me down to one or two things that I do best. I am free to show off my whole spectrum of knowledge. I feel authenticated.
So, in closing, please let the young man you sent to fire me know that I’m okay. He cried a little when the axe came down on my head. That was the only time he deviated from the script that you so kindly provided him. Please remember to note on his following review that he is a good reader. It will spare you the trouble of thinking up a written compliment for yourself since only one is allowed. After he blew his nose on the embossed company handkerchief, I assured him that everything would be fine. He was an excellent corporate citizen and didn’t even tell me he thought I was a great worker, which I am, by the way. Thanks for cutting the leash from around my neck and releasing me out into the wild. I haven’t bitten anyone yet. Seriously. I love you because you knew what was best for me. And, isn’t that what relationships are all about?